Magic Morning Mandala

One moment it was there, another moment it is gone. One moment we are here, and another moment we have gone. And for this simple moment, how much of a fuss we can make... how much violence, struggle, conflict, anger and hatred. All for this small moment! It puts me in mind of what it is like waiting for the train on a platform at a station; for this little span of time we create so much fuss: fighting, hurting each other, trying to be right, to have the last word, to dominate - all that posturing. And then, the train comes into the station, you get on, and you are gone forever.

This is my mandala for later in the morning, after the 'phone call'. Riding BART, while listening to a meditation tape, and having brought my sketch pad and pencils with me, I made a conscious choice to let the art heal me and to wait, and to simply do "nothing." To actually let the moments move me forward to the life I choose to live. I had to follow my heart, as opposed to my mind . I chose to think about where there was love in my life - and my son came to mind - and I drew this mandala from my the place where my heart resides in love and peace.

Dreamtime Mandala

I was awaken out of my sleep by an unexpected phone call that was short, yet powerful in its alerting me to the burgeoning reality that friends are not what they appear to be and illusion and insanity are mirrors of each other. The growing awareness that you can spend years being friends, only to find out that faces are often just the 'dress-up' for the distorted life conditions that people go for so long to cover up. I had to wrestle with majoar feelings of smoldering rage, anger, and retaliation. Which I had to meditate to understand - was only masking my deep feeling of pain and disillusionment. By covering my wounds with revenge it would be like building armor around myself, and that would have prevented me from being healed. My lashing out at others would keep me from getting the love and nourishment I needed from myself. I had to journal immediately to release this 'thing'.

Bedtime Mandala

Before going to sleep I was reflecting on what the mandala of my present moment would reflect, and the spiral came to mind. How much of what our day looks like when the day comes to a close is a good thought to take to bed with you. Is it filled with the presence of a hero or a coward? Have I done all that I could that day? Is there peace of mind or too much still going on internally to relax and let go?

In this madala I am releasing the clutter of the day and taking with me to sleep a restful and open and unclutterd day. Open to whatever the next day should bring.

Meditation Space w/Natural Healing Elements

Lemons are my first physical substance of the day. The external acids combine with my internal acids and I become neutralized. I pull them fresh off the tree in the morning when I go out to inhale my first deep fresh air. I smell the skin of the lemons. I bring them to my altar where I have crystals for grounding and clarity, and potpourri to transport my senses to a higher place, and my bell which I use to instantly ground my thoughts and which sends a beautiful vibration throughout me internally and into my external environment. I like glass because it reflects light back, reminding me that no matter what the shade of predicament that I come across, I am still capable of seeing through to the intent of the matter, and to continue moving forward on my path.

Secret Self

Who told us that we are separate from who came before us? Why do we feel that we are the ones starting a new search for inner awareness? How do we know that we did not do our part to kill off the ones who already knew how to live with nature and their inner souls. Do we ever think that we are not really 'evolving' but 'revolving' back to whence we came from?

Who ever told you that the bamboo is more beautiful than the oak, or the oak more valuable than the bamboo? Do you think the oak wishes it had a hollow trunk like the bamboo? Does the bamboo feel jealous of the oak because it is bigger and its leaves change color in the fall?

Let's face it, there is always going to be somebody who is more beautiful, more talented, stronger, more intelligent, or apparently happier that you are. At the same time, there will always be those who are less than you in all these ways. The way to find out who you are is not by comparing yourself with others, but by looking to see whether you are fulling your own potential in the best way you know how.

Spiritual Self

Being spiritual is to be present and focusing inward to that which is the essence of your life, your soul. The seven chakras are in alignment, and with the rising of inner awareness, meditation is born. While in the posture of meditation I am reminded not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. The moon overlapping the earth brings to mind the way we really live, with our inner lives permeating and coloring our external environment. To acheive balance and live in harmony we need to release ourselves of those habits of thought and judgement that does not work for us. Instead, we have to be open to work on our relationship with our own self and seek our ultimate refuge within our own deepest truths.

Future Self Portrait

Mastering the art of being passive and receptive, and yet fully open to the all the wonders the universe has to offer is can be an overwhelming plate full. To move through life without judging and rejecting and closing down when life is constantly handing you a buffet of choices is why we have an inner life, to connect us to the flow of the universe. We just need to relax and float in life's waters, and not try to fight against the current. Imagine allowing this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; trusting that everything is happening exactly as it should.

Public Self

In this image I see myself peering in at my parts of my perceptions of what my life is like... and not without expressing some confusion and pain about what I am witnessing. I have to remind myself that times of sorrow are also the times of major transformation. And in order for transformation to happen I have to go deep, down into the roots of the pain and experience it without blame or self-pity. The pain can actually make me more alert...reminding me that there are roads to travel... with the possibility of finding the thing I did not know I needed. This pain can keep me alert... to the direction I should be looking to... in the present moment.

Life Spiral

Thisis a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed. Doing this spiral made me aware of my wounds. I can no longer keep the wound a wound, but have to begin the process of its healing by looking at the spiral and following the flow to the roots and consciously sending healing energies through my prayers and raising my inner vibration to exude a higher energy onto the patterns I have lived with so far, no longer hiding from myself. But to bring a new attitude of openness and acceptance that I can be healed, and help others, that are affected by my life's spiral, also to be healthy and whole.

Culture of Desire Collage

When asked to find, from a collection of magazines, whatever resonated with with me it turned out to be spaces where I can "feel" at home, and this is not necessarily dependent on style, but rather a feeling of contentment, inviting me in... to love myself, and appreciate being in the moment.

Fruition

I think I've been here... I might be there now... When I figure it out I'll share...

Faces in Pangem

Have you tried looking at something casually and then in one moment, late at night when you're tired but restless they come out of that space... the place I heard one of them call Pangem when I asked...where did they come from?

In sanskrit the name is 'alaya vigyan', the house where you go on throwing into the basement things that you want to do but you cannot, because of social conditions, culture, civilization. But they go on collecting there, and they affect your actions, your life, very indirectly. Directly, they cannot face you – you have forced them into darkness, but from the dark side they go on influencing your behavior. They are dangerous, it is dangerous to keep all those inhibitions inside you.

Meditation is the only way to help you find your way out of the dark side.Because it is you going into you to fix what is lurking there needing your love and compassion and non-judgment.